I want you to imagine this specific situation: picture a woman lying down on her bad ate at night; she’s desperately trying to keep her tears from falling because she doesn’t want to be that cliché weak girl who cries herself to sleep. She’s trying so desperately to think of something else; to take her mind off of the pain that she’s feeling in that moment. But when her mind refuses to just think of anything, she tries to accept these uncomfortable thoughts. She tries to rationalize everything that she’s just been through. She’s trying to make sense of her situation. She’s trying to gain closure so that she can move on from this breakup that has been like a living hell for her.
Now, I want you to picture my face on that woman. Because that’s exactly what I was doing not too long ago. That was me. I was on my bed – and that wasn’t just one night. That was a series of countless sleepless nights that I spent awake thinking about us; thinking about you. I was the woman who was feeling emotionally distraught and downtrodden. I was the woman who was emotionally broken. I had to endure so many months of you making me feel worthless and undervalued.
I had to endure so many months of you treating me like absolute crap. I had to endure so many months of you just not giving me the love, security, affection, care, and consistency that I needed from you to feel safe. I had to endure so many months of you taking me for granted even when I was ready to just give you everything I had.
But despite all of that, I just want to let you know that I carry no hatred in my heart. Instead, I carry gratitude. At this moment of writing, I am no longer angry. I am no longer upset. I am no longer mad or bitter. I want you to know that at this moment, I am free from the emotional hold that you used to have over me. At this moment, I only have one thing for what you were to me: gratitude. I want to thank you; not for everything that you did to me, but for all the lessons that I had to force myself to learn when I was with you.